I'm so fucking centered right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
