My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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