my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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