real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
