found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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