Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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