i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
