Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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