we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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