shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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