please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
