He kissed a someone with a penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
