Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
