I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
