I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
