You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
