fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
