There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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