What a fucking waste of an outfit
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
did i just pee glitter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
