i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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