Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
