you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
NoShamevember. You game?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
