Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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