Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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