You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
