The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
