just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
