My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
