Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
