May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
