Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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