She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
