His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
