I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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