You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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