Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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