You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
