please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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