I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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