Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
