Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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