I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
id be glad to
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
