Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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