he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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