Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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