I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
