You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
