Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
