he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
