walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
