Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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