omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
