my vag is so smooth its legendary
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize