I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
