you would pick up someone in the library
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
