my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
