I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
