At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
