Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
4 words: hood of his car
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
