My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
